Stop Your Overthinking Habit for Good by Evan Alleway

7 Easy Ways to Change Negative Thinking and Find Peace

Overthinking drains joy and confidence, pushing you to rehearse disasters and delay action. This book meets you in that everyday fog with stories, clear psychological methods, and simple daily practices. It offers quick resets for the moment, longer habits for steady change, and small experiments that let you test fears safely. Though not a guided journal, it includes prompts and tiny habit designs that help you spot patterns, notice triggers, and turn insight into action.

What you’ll gain:

• Tools to stop overthinking that keep you stuck in indecision.
• Clear ways to practice mindful self-compassion and simple mindfulness meditation techniques that calm the body and quiet the mind.
• Short relaxation routines to tend the mindful body so that planning and reflection feel possible.
• Behavioral exercises (opposite action) to build courage, one small decision at a time.
• Practical “capture” systems that clear mental clutter so you can think with intention instead of panic.

The aim is practical relief, not perfect results. You learn tools that ease indecision, build self-compassion and make reflection possible. Step by step, you practice courage through doable choices and use light “capture” systems to clear mental clutter so you can think with intention. It’s a kind, usable companion that shows how one quiet page, one small practice, and one clearer choice can turn overthinking into a tool rather than a trap.

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Excerpt from Stop Your Overthinking Habit for Good © Copyright 2025 Evan Alleway

What Do People Think of You?

The Foundation of Self-Doubt

We often hear the well-meaning advice: “Don't worry about what others think.” And part of us knows it’s true. We know we should focus only on what feels important and beneficial to us. But the reality, for me at least, was always different. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, the voice of other people’s opinions lingered in my mind. In almost every situation, I found myself wondering: “What do they think of me?”

I remember this vividly from my time working for a building contractor. My role was in quality assurance on a busy project site. I was supposed to be checking structural details, monitoring workmanship, and noting issues in my logbook. But the whole time, my mind was running faster than my pen.

“What if I miss something?”

“What if my notes aren’t good enough?”

“What if the supervisor thinks I’m not competent?”

The spiral of overthinking didn’t just stay in my head, it seeped into my body. My hands would shake as I held the clipboard. My palms grew damp when I tried to explain to workers what needed fixing. I kept glancing around, convinced that everyone was quietly judging the way I stood, the way I talked, even my simple shirt and boots while others seemed to carry themselves with unshakable confidence.

I wanted to look composed, but inside, I felt completely exposed. Every action felt magnified under an invisible spotlight.

And perhaps you know this feeling too, that sense of being watched and measured, even when no one is saying a word. It’s in these moments that a simple question like “What do they think of me?” can pull us out of the present and into a world of imagined judgments.

When Your Mind Lives in “What Ifs”

“Can’t you just stop overthinking everything?” “Do you ever just live in the moment?”

You may have heard questions like these before. They often come from a place of love, from a friend or family member who wants to pull you back into the sun. But when you’re lost in the inner storm, these words can feel like a reprimand for the very air you breathe. The truth is, we often don’t realize how far we’ve wandered into the future until we feel the ground disappear beneath us, and we’re struggling in a sea of our own thoughts. It is only when we feel we are drowning that we learn how to call for help.

For those of us who overthink, the capacity to think deeply is not the enemy, it is a gift. A powerful tool for creating, solving, and caring. But when this gift turns inward, it can begin to feed on itself. It mutates from a gentle stream of thought into a relentless cycle of “what if,” and we slowly become captives in a prison of our own making.

The body always keeps the score. It carries the weight of these mental storms. We wake up exhausted, as if we’ve been running all night. Our sleep offers little rest because our minds refuse to let the storm pass. We toss and turn, rehearsing conversations and catastrophes that exist only behind our closed eyes.

In a search for quiet, we sometimes turn to things that numb, like overeating, scrolling, anything to soften the noise. But these habits are not a cure; they are only a temporary mute. The storm remains, waiting for the silence to return.

And here is the quiet revelation that eventually finds most of us: the futures we fear so vividly, the scenarios we play out with such certainty, rarely ever come to pass.

Our minds create dramatic scenes that rarely make it to the screen of real life. We picture being scolded by a client or an employer for a mistake we haven’t made. We fear the sting of criticism for ideas or opinions we haven’t yet written. We live through heartbreaks that haven't happened. We suffer more in imagination than in the real experience of life itself.

This is the great cost: overthinking pulls you out of the present moment, the only place where life truly unfolds. You become prisoners in your own lives, confined in yesterday’s echoes or tomorrow’s shadows, while the vibrant, real moment you are actually in slips away, unnoticed and un-lived.

A Brave Step into the Unknown

Overthinking thrives in the space of the unknown. We fear what hasn't happened, replay what already has, and try to predict futures that may never come to be. Yet the fundamental nature of life is uncertainty. It always has been.

Throughout time, philosophers and spiritual teachers have gently reminded us that some of life’s mysteries—love, wealth, destiny—are not puzzles to be solved by the thinking mind, but realities to be experienced in their own time.

Our minds, however, often struggle to accept this. They churn, trying to extract certainty from a world that refuses to offer it. And the price we pay for this struggle is our own peace, our joy, and our presence in the one moment we truly have.

I’ve found that the gentlest antidote to this churning is not more thinking, but a simple, deliberate action.

When financial worry clouds my mind, thinking endlessly about “not having enough” only deepens the fear. But taking one small, tangible step, such as reviewing a budget, exploring a new skill, or even just organizing my workspace, begins to loosen the knot of helplessness. When caught in a mental spiral, sometimes the most powerful step is often a physical one, however small it may seem.

I learned that it is more peaceful to act imperfectly than to remain perfectly paralyzed. Those who dare to move forward, even without full certainty, often find that clarity reveals itself along the path, not before it.

To walk this path with any steadiness and wisdom, we must learn to care for what is entering our minds. Our thoughts should not be a dumping ground for every passing fear or fantasy. It asks for our discernment. What truly deserves my attention right now? What is merely noise?

Some of us carry the weight of being “solemn,” where joy feels distant because the mind is continually working. We can be standing before breathtaking beauty, yet our attention is lost in tomorrow’s to-do list.

This isn't just a feeling; it has been studied. Researchers like Dr. Brenda Camacho1 describe overthinking, or rumination, as a repetitive cycle of negative thoughts that masquerades as problem-solving. But true problem-solving is purposeful; it seeks answers and then acts.

Overthinking, by contrast, simply circles, magnifying potential dangers that often exist only in our minds.

This is also different from self-reflection, which, as Dr. J. Christopher Fowler2 points out, is aimed at growth and gaining perspective. Overthinking, however, obsesses over what we cannot change, draining our energy without ever offering resolution.

This distinction matters. Reflection can heal you. Overthinking quietly corrodes your spirit. Left to its own devices, overthinking becomes a thief. It steals your joy, clouds your clarity, and sabotages your momentum. Most painfully, it can convince you that you must have all the answers before you can be happy, when in truth, happiness can always be found in the simple act of living, not thinking.

The way back is not complicated. It is humble. It begins by choosing one thing. Focusing on one step. Solving one problem at a time. Slowly, deliberately, with your full attention.

Your mind will protest. It will want to race ahead, replay the past, and imagine new worries. And when it does, you can gently, patiently, return it to the only place life is ever happening: right here, right now.